


Metamorphic

by LosttotheHoping



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Human!jarvis, M/M, possible TonyxJarvis later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 06:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosttotheHoping/pseuds/LosttotheHoping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A battle against the trickster god Loki gets a bit out of hand, and produces unforeseen consequences.  One of which is a naked, bewildered stranger found in the wreckage, claiming to be JARVIS the AI.  Except, as the Avengers come to know him, one thing stands out above all else- Jarvis, friend or foe, is NOT a normal human.</p><p>A/N: Under revisement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a battle against Loki, Magic Happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who read this yesterday- there are edits! And I'm sincerely pleased to know that you're all so interested in this. I will be posting more of it. Hope you like the story!

It was all Loki’s fault, ultimately.  He came to take his revenge, sneaking into the Tower in the middle of the night.  When Bruce found him, there was the inevitable Hulk-out, a lot of roaring, some panic from the sleepy, confused humans in the tower...

And a spark.  Loki’s staff had been thrown from his hand, in the middle of charging for a blast of some sort, and the sudden claim of force and then gravity slammed the thing against the ground.  The gem on top shattered, but not before a single, miniscule spark danced into the wall inches away.  It traveled along the electrical systems until it reached JARVIS’ hub in the span of mere seconds.

The explosion that resulted from Loki’s staff breaking took out most of the floor, and left in its wake was a slim, naked man; a byproduct of the backlash of magic, fueled by the energy from the explosion itself.

Natasha found him, in the aftermath of the battle, half covered in debris from the bar.  The man had black hair, blue eyes and an almost unhealthy paleness to his face.  His ribs showed faintly under his skin, and slim arms and legs were tucked up against his body, spine curled.

She got Thor and Steve to move him as Tony ranted about his computers being down.  Clint was gone, taking an unconscious Loki off to SHIELD for holding, and Bruce had disappeared into the depths of the tower almost as soon as he’d reverted from the day’s transformation.

“Where do you think he came from?” Steve asked, as he stepped back from the couch.

The redhead shrugged, bemused and a bit suspicious, and draped a dusty afghan over him.  “I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I’ll have to figure out who he is- and why he’s _naked_ …”

But for them, he was simply a man caught up in events.  No one really realized that something a little more than their understanding had happened until the man woke up.  His lashes fluttered, then popped open, revealing startlingly pale blue eyes that, for a brief moment, glowed brightly in the half-light of sundown.  Natasha was immediately on guard by it; nothing good ever came from men with glowing eyes.

The man let out a soft sigh, and winced as he sat up slowly.  When his gaze fell onto his lap, he froze, breath seeming caught in his throat a beat before rushing out in something not unlike a cough.  One hand raised to hover in front of his eyes, before he moved it to touch his own cheek, trembling from head-to-toe.  “How...” he breathed, and touched the opposite shoulder with his free hand.  The first was running almost reverently up into his hair and down the back of his head.  “I’m… alive.”

Natasha wasn’t sure how to take that statement, and after exchanging a brief look with Thor, knew the other two Avengers present felt the same way.

Steve, of course, just went ahead and asked, “Yes?  Is that... unusual?  What’s your name, sir?”

The stranger seemed genuinely startled to realize he wasn’t alone.  His head snapped up, pale eyes locking on each of them in turn.  He didn’t answer for a second, until Steve tried again with a baffled, “Sir?”

“S- don’t call me that,” the man corrected abruptly, eyes widening.  “My name is JARVIS.  You know me, Mr. Rogers.”

A beat passed while they all stared at him in honest shock, before Tony burst into the room looking furious.  “Romanoff!” he growled, stalking over to her.  In one hand he had a tablet.  The other was empty and fisted at his side.  “Where the hell did you guys lock up that pain in the ass?  He _fried my computer_!  I can’t get it going, and JARVIS’ CPU is _completely_ smoked!  Something happened to it, and the main hub is-”

“I’m right here.”

Tony, caught up in his rant as he was, jumped slightly at the soft voice.  He paused as he looked at the intruder slouched half-under a blanket on the sofa.  Tony looked at Natasha, then back at the man.  “I’m sorry,” he said, in a manner that made it quite clear that he really was not very sorry at all, “But… who are you?”  Brown eyes flicked toward Thor, then Steve.  “Who is this?  Why is he in my Tower?” he demanded at large.

Steve shrugged helplessly, mouth open to reply, but JARVIS - if he really was JARVIS - spoke again.  “I’m _him_ , sir.  I’m JARVIS.  I’m right here,” he insisted, gaze focused solely on the inventor now that Tony was in the room.

The spy frowned.  “We found him by the remains of the bar,” Natasha offered.  “As for his identity- we haven’t been able to determine that yet.  He only just woke up.”

Tony blinked owlishly at the naked man.  He shook his head, denial written in every line of his body.  “You’re not JARVIS.  That’s impossible,” he declared firmly, and turned as if to go.

JARVIS’ brow twitched.  “Oh, is it?”

The billionaire stopped and turned back.  “It is,” he insisted impatiently.  “JARVIS is an _AI_.  Ar-te-fi-cial In-tell-i-gence.  That means he lives in _cyber land_.  He doesn’t have a body, he has a _harddrive_.”

The black haired male on the couch sighed, but didn’t look away from Tony.  Natasha found his resolute focus interesting, to say the least.  “Yes, and I suppose _you_ would be the expert, sir,” he replied with blithe dismissal.  Admittedly, the speech patterns were remarkably familiar.

The egocentric hero beside her straightened and lifted his chin.  “I _am_ , actually.  And an AI can’t be human.  It’s never happened before.”

“You cannot prove something on a lack of previous occasion,” JARVIS shot back.  “Sir.”

“You sound like-”  And that was when Tony shut up, staring at JARVIS silently for a beat, before turning away.  “I need to get the computers running again.”

The door slammed shut behind him, and Natasha stared at the apparently former AI thoughtfully.  His shoulders had slumped, and he was staring down into his lap helplessly.

It was an image she wouldn’t soon forget.


	2. The First Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse, and JARVIS doesn't know if they'll ever get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, after the interest expressed, I'm posting! So yay! And, this time, you get JARVIS' POV. Also, for those of you that read the previous "chapter", please go back and do so again. There've been a few edits, and it's been changed quite a bit.

In the next few days, JARVIS drifted.  He had nowhere to go, and so was allowed to stay in the manor.  Mostly because no one had said otherwise.

He had quickly discovered that out of all the Avengers, Captain Rogers was the kindest.  It may have helped that he was just clueless enough about computers to accept JARVIS’ claims as fact - at least until they were proven otherwise - but the once-AI appreciated it all the same.  The rest of the team weren’t _unkind_ , per se, but they weren’t exactly warm and welcoming either.

Agent Romanoff regarded him with a dubious sort of suspicion that, with all fairness, she had every right to give him.  Agent Barton avoided him entirely, only going anywhere near him when he had no choice, though JARVIS couldn’t fathom it.  Banner... well, Banner avoided everyone, so JARVIS felt at least comfortable enough in the thought that it wasn’t personal.  Thor was, of course, off-world.

Then there was Tony, his master, his creator, the man that he trusted most, and whom trusted him more than anything or anyone else _ever_ (Tony’s words, not his).  Tony hadn’t gone near him at all since that first day.  It wasn’t like Barton, who’d spot him and change direction, or Banner, who’d shuffle uncomfortably, fail at trying to do small talk, and then make up an excuse to flee.  Not like Romanoff, with her expressionless face and watchful eyes.

JARVIS missed Tony.  He hadn’t expected to, at all, really.  He was used to not missing him, because honestly he’d never had occasion (that time when Tony was AWOL didn’t count, because JARVIS had no reason to be concerned at that time; Tony always came back).

He’d asked if he could talk to the man, but Romanoff had given him a cool look and told him Tony wasn’t up for socializing.  Then he’d overheard Barton and Banner speaking between themselves.

“I don’t know what to do about him,” came Banner’s voice, as the former-AI approached the kitchen.

JARVIS ducked to the side before he was in sight, pressing his back to the wall and straining to catch the conversation.  Given the acoustics, it wasn’t hard.

Barton snorted; there was the soft clink of dishware being set down.  “What, it’s suddenly your job to mind him?  Don’t worry about Tony- he’ll get over it.”

The other sighed heavily, sounding tired.  “Maybe,” he murmured noncommittally.

“You don’t think so?”

A thunk, followed by another sigh.  “I don’t know,” Banner admitted.  “Like I said- maybe.  I just… this is JARVIS we’re talking about here.  Actual JARVIS.  Tony says there should, by all rights, be half a dozen back ups at _least_ of him, but every single one of them was burned out when he went to find them.”

“Ouch.”  Barton was quiet for a moment.  “You don’t think…?”

“I don’t know what I think about _that_ …”

JARVIS wandered away after that, concerned.  The next time he ran into Banner (he was avoiding Romanoff’s prying questions because Fury was as nosy as ever), he took the time to ask.

“Is Master Tony alright?”

Banner looked surprised by the question.  “Tony?  How- I mean, why would you ask?”

At that, the former AI frowned.  “I overheard you speaking with Agent Barton the other day,” he admitted carefully, crossing his arms loosely over his ribcage.  He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt borrowed out of Tony’s closet, courtesy of Ms. Potts whom, though a bit distant, was at least kind.

The other man sighed and set down his butter knife on the kitchen’s breakfast island.  It was seven AM on a Thursday, and the man looked like he’d been up all night in his lab again.  “Tony’s...  Stressed out.  He lost everything.  I mean, he got the computers back up and running, but JARVIS’... well...”  He faltered uncomfortably, looking the other male over.  “He’ll be okay, though... he always bounces back eventually...”

That was when they heard the arguing.  Two familiar voices heading toward the kitchen from down the hall.  Pepper and Tony.

“-can’t tell me that it’s okay with you!”

“I don’t know how to feel about that, Tony, but you can’t keep ignoring him!”

“I can do what I damn well please!”  And there was more, muffled, lower.  The two seemed to have paused just outside the door.

JARVIS looked toward Banner, whom was peering quite studiously down at his butter knife.  He frowned and ducked down, behind the bar.  When Banner looked at him in confusion, he put a finger to his lips.  “I do not wish to upset him more,” the former AI said softly, and waited.

He felt horrible, like he was sneaking around behind his master’s back (and really, he was), but he just couldn’t face the thought of Tony’s dismissal right now.  It hurt enough to know the man didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Shortly, Tony slammed open the door and the arguing petered out when they saw Banner there.  There was a mumbled apology toward the other scientist from Tony, and a sigh from Pepper.  As his master headed toward the fridge, JARVIS kept the island between them.  When Tony’s back was to the rest of the room, he darted to the door, meeting Pepper’s eyes only briefly.  She looked sad, and knowing.

He ducked out of the room and hurried off.  It occurred to him as he fled that, should he prove himself useful, maybe Tony would stop resenting him so.  Maybe he could even prove his identity while he was at it?

Without even fully realizing it, he had shifted his direction for Tony’s workshop, and soon enough came to a stop before the locked doors.  He wondered if his master had even bothered changing the password; upon trying it, he found the man had not, and he slipped inside.

Only a moment was needed to take stock of everything scattered on the various surfaces, but his gaze snagged almost inevitably on his former vessel.  It was the size of a computer tower, and blackened from its former blue-silver appearance, from the inside out it seemed.

JARVIS sighed.  “He’s not going to be able to fix this,” he muttered, stepping up to the work table it rested on.  He carefully ran his fingers over the metal, and their tips came away covered in soot.

He turned his gaze onto DUM-E nearby, and smiled when he edged closer.  At least _DUM-E_ knew who JARVIS was.  “Perhaps you can assist me in my endeavors.  Where did he stash my memory drive?  It was...”

The pseudo AI had already moved to retrieve the drive, and JARVIS sighed again upon seeing it.  Also a burned out mess.  “This won’t do... though I suppose it makes a strange sort of sense, as my memory is now in this... body.”  He glanced down at himself, brow furrowing.  He was still so unused to seeing such a physical form.  Maybe he never would be.  “I should ask Ms. Potts about a suit.  I think that would do better,” he muttered absently, reaching out to pat DUM-E’s claw.

Blue sparks danced over his hand and into the other AI, and JARVIS jerked his hand back.  The claw twisted inquisitively as DUM-E drew away as well.  “I don’t know what that was,” JARVIS murmured in answer to the unspoken question.  The claw whirled again, and his head was shaking even as it did.  “Preposterous.”  Magical powers?  Never.  But DUM-E inched forward again, urging him to test it, and the former AI wavered.  “I couldn’t possibly…  No, not on _you_.  Just think about how upset Master Tony would be if something went awry!”

The other had to concede that, but insisted that he should find a way.  He had a point- if JARVIS’ new found humanity _was_ due to Loki’s magic, perhaps some of that still lingered in JARVIS.  It would certainly explain a great many things.

Casting about for any other sort of equipment, he spotted the billionaire’s iPod on a nearby shelf as You drifted over curiously.  “There we are!” he declared, and strode over to scoop it up.  Immediately, he experienced the same phenomenon.  Electricity flickering over his flesh and into the device, lighting up the screen.  JARVIS stared down at it for a beat, but nothing else happened.

Tilting his head, he wondered, if he could turn on the screen... could he look at the data?  And just like that, information was scrolling down the tiny viewer.  Space available, space used, contents, history of usage…  He found that he had no trouble retaining the information, no matter how quickly it went by.  That, at least, hadn’t changed since he was now flesh and blood.

“What are you doing?”

JARVIS jumped, startled, and nearly dropped the iPod.  He looked up with wide eyes to stare at his master, standing in the doorway looking upset.  “I was...”  He was what?  How could he explain this?  “Experimenting.”  Yes, that way.  That’s what he was doing.  “I have discovered a most unusual ability, that I believe stems from my former existence as a non-biological entity.  Apparently I can connect with the technology through touch...”

Come to think of it, he hadn’t been getting any information from DUM-E until after he’d touched him.

Tony didn’t look convinced, only angry, and it was disheartening to say the least.  “How did you even get in here?  Get out, you’re not allowed!”

“You’re being far too irrational about this, sir,” JARVIS tried, panicking a little.  How could he explain this?  How could he prove he was who he said he was?  How could he fix it, make it all better?

The billionaire growled.  “Too irrational?  You and that fucking ‘god’ came in here and destroyed my AI-”

“I _am_ your AI!” JARVIS protested indignantly.  Why wouldn’t he just _see_ it!?

Tony was shaking his head, furious.  “No, you’re not, I’ve explained this already-”

“Yes, because your knowledge of the universe is so complete,” JARVIS scoffed, temper fraying.  His master just wouldn’t _listen_.  Why wouldn’t he _listen_?!  “You know everything there is to know about everything, even though every time you meet Thor, he teaches you something new- either by association or directly face to face.”

Tony scowled and stalked further into the workshop, dropping a plate of what looked like leftover pizza onto the workspace.  “You don’t know jack _shit_ ,” he replied angrily.  “Why the hell’re you still here?  You make a really lousy spy.”

Something strange tightened in JARVIS’ chest, snapping off the anger and replacing it with something very close to fear.  “Spy?” he echoed, breath caught in his throat a beat.  Everything, _everything_ , was so wrong.  None of it was going right.  Nothing was working- it was all so...  “Sir, you’re mistaken.  I am not a-”

“Shut up.  Get out of my tower,” the billionaire snarled, practically vibrating with the force of his ire.

And that was that.  Before he’d even realized it, the former AI was walking forward, toward the door.  He stopped in front of the billionaire, briefly thinking about saying something, anything…  But he couldn’t even make the words come to mind, let alone speak them.  So he sidestepped his master, and walked out.

He ran into Pepper in the hallway, and she took one look at his face before reaching out to touch his shoulder.  He stepped back, avoiding the hand, and she dropped it with a sigh.  “Are you okay?” she asked.  “You look like you just got _slapped_...  Did Tony say something?”

Helplessly, unsure what to do, he shook his head.  “No, I...  He only made himself clear.  It’s...”

The redhead pursed her lips and shifted her grasp on the tablet she held in one hand.  “I can’t help if I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she pointed out, not unkindly.  “What did he say?”

But JARVIS stepped away from her, frowning.  “I’m sorry, I cannot…  I have to find some… some way of being of use.  Somewhere.  Somehow.  I have to go.”

Pepper frowned back at him, turning as he moved around her.  “Wait!  You have nowhere to go, do you?”

He paused and looked back at her, feeling lost, confused, disappointed… but her concern warmed him nonetheless.  “I can manage, I think, on my own,” he assured her carefully.  “You don’t need to worry about me.”

The redhead eyed him.  “What will you do?”  Her voice was quiet.

His smile was faint, trembling, barely even there.  “I don’t know.”


	3. The Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, Jarvis learns, you simply have to make the best of the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Hope you like. Comments, please?
> 
> Also, if you spot the Supernatural Cameo, you get a cookie!

He found himself a hotel room.  Pepper had insisted he take a little money, and as he’d had no other choice, and nothing else to go on, he accepted the offer.  Now, he was alone, in a tiny room that smelled like mothballs and air freshener.  There was an equally tiny bathroom with a shower and a toilet and a sink, and a counter in the back of the bedroom with a mirror over it, and a coffee machine on it.  The bed was a twin size, small but JARVIS wasn’t particularly tall.

(In the corner of his mind, he wondered if he shouldn’t start thinking ‘Jarvis’ instead of ‘JARVIS’.  Humans had names, not acronyms, and he knew there was no way he could go back to being an AI.)

He walked from the entrance of the bathroom over to the bed and sat on it.

There was a knock on the door, and he looked up, blinking.  Curious - and admittedly a bit confused because _who_ would be knocking on his door? - the former-AI got up and pulled the door open.  “Oh.”  He might have known.  “Director Fury.  It’s most interesting to finally meet you in person.”

The man before him, completely decked out as per reputation, eyepatch in place and bland smile tacked on as if on an afterthought, nodded.  “Jarvis, right?”  He could _hear_ how it was said- _Jarvis_ , not JARVIS.  “How are you?  I understand you and Mr. Stark have a communications problem.”

 _You understand, do you?_  Jarvis harrumphed ( _Jarvis._ ) and stepped closer to the door.  Blocking the man out.  “Director Fury, with all _due_ respect, I have no time for you.  Why don’t you go spy on someone else?”

The man, if anything, looked amused.  “You really _are_ Tony’s AI, aren’t you?”

That gave the now-man a pause.  That was recognition.  That was _admission of acknowledgement_.  This man was the first person on this _world_ since his “accident” to say, indirectly, “I know you’re telling the truth,” and _mean it_.

A bit bewildered, Jarvis stepped back and held the door open.  “Come in, please.”

The man wandered into his new little hotel room and glanced around it.  Grimaced.  “He left you cold and dry, didn’t he?”

“Master Tony has his peculiarities,” Jarvis said coolly, automatically, “but he is not intentionally cruel.”  Well, at least not to those he cared about…  But Jarvis couldn’t think of that.  That lead to too much sorrow and anger for him to contemplate right this minute.

“If he’s not that...”  Fury poked his head into the bathroom, and it came out shaking sadly.  “Then what is he?”

It only occurred to him then that the man might be trying to learn about Tony.  It was a prime time to do it, with the AI so absorbed with being _alive_ , when both Tony and Jarvis were vulnerable.  His stomach felt unpleasantly like emptying its meager contents at the thought.  “What do you want, Director Fury?”

Fury smiled, amused at being caught.  “Actually, I want to help you, Jarvis.  All you have to do is help me.”

Oh yes, he’d been expecting this.  How pathetically - _wonderfully_ \- human.  “And how could I help you?”

“Just let us… keep an eye you,” Fury said, pulling a white leather case - like a wallet - from his jacket.  “Surveillance.  Maybe give us a little information about yourself.  In exchange, we’ll provide your every need, and make sure you get things like a legitimate identity, an income of some sort, and a place to stay that isn’t _this_.”  One hand motioned pointedly around.  He’d pulled a small silver credit card from the wallet, and while it wasn’t wrapped in paper, it was definitely a gift.

Jarvis was suspicious, naturally.  He didn’t trust anything that benefitted him from all angles.  Also, he didn’t think humans normally offered to help someone live.  Not without very bad ulterior motives.  Tony certainly didn’t.

“No thank you,” the former AI said thinly.  “I will manage somehow on my own.”

“That’s very foolish,” Fury pointed out, unphased by his decision.

“I know.”  Jarvis thought that Tony would have loved it.  “If that’s all?”

Fury sighed.  “That’s all,” he agreed, and set the credit card down on the end of the bed.  “Tell you what- you change your mind, all you have to do is use that.  We’ll know, and send someone over to give you what you need, keep an eye on you, that sort of thing.”  He smiled faintly at Jarvis, and turned for the door.

The former AI watched him go, before hurrying to the door and locking it.  By the time he peeked out the window, Fury was nowhere in sight.

xXx

The next morning dawned with a revelation; stubbornness or no, Director Fury was right.  Jarvis was - at least formerly - an AI.  He had not been born into society as it was now, no matter that he was initially modeled after Master Tony’s former butler.  He had no identity, no way of getting work, or paying rent.

On top of that, he was alone and cut off, completely without aid of any sort.  How would he manage?  How would he - and his stomach rumbled unpleasantly as he thought it - purchase food?  How would he _live_?

As if in answer, something buzzed.  Bewildered, Jarvis went to his borrowed coat, hanging off the foot of the bed, and pulled out an unfamiliar cellular phone.  As with all electronics, his touch made it sparkle with tiny blue glints of light for a second.  He put it to his ear.  “... hello?”

“ _Jarvis._ ”  Miss Potts.  Of course.  “ _How are you doing this morning?  Do you need anything?  Did you find a place to sleep alright?  You didn’t sleep in a **gutter** … did you?_”

The man couldn’t help a small smile at her horrified tone.  “Yes.  In fact, I bathed with sewer rats and found a mutated dragon while I was at it.”

For a moment, she said nothing.  Then she sighed heavily.  “ _Don’t make fun of me.  I was worried.  What about food?  Have you managed any of that?  How much of that money do you-_ ”

“Miss Potts, please,” Jarvis interrupted, rather touched by her concern.  It was certainly better than he’d been getting.  “I’ll be alright.  I’ll manage on my own.  It isn’t like I don’t know how to falsify an identity, purchase take out, and rent out cheap hotel rooms.”

Another beat, then, “ _I didn’t even think about the identity thing…  Do you really know how to do that?_ ”

He smiled again.  It was true; years of knowing Master Tony, and he had experience in all manner of strange things.  “Yes.  Stop worrying about me…  I’ll be fine.”  He hoped.

“ _Alright.  Well, you have my number, and Steve’s is programmed into the phone too.  So…_ ”  She cleared her throat.  “ _Oh for the love of- I have to go.  Tony just blew up the lab.  I hope Bruce wasn’t in there…_ ”

“Good day,” he responded, and pulled the phone away from his ear.  The time flickered on the screen, then faded to the home screen, and he put it back in the jacket pocket.

The conversation with Miss Potts had been just what he needed.  An interruption for his… panicking, and a reminder.  He was capable of surviving.  Just because he didn’t have someone giving him orders, didn’t mean he couldn’t figure things out on his own.  And he knew just what he needed to do, too.

_First, I need a breakfast… and a laptop._

xXx

He wasn’t able to purchase a computer from a store with the money he had on his person, but using twenty dollars, he bribed a college student down in the lobby to let him borrow hers for ten minutes.  Which was really all he needed, considering his extraordinary processing rate, and he was easily able to do it while munching on a plate of food from the continental breakfast provided by the hotel.

He barely touched the keys before windows popped up one after another, filling with information that he’d need.  Peering over his shoulder, the young woman gasped.  “What are you _doing_!?  You’re not getting a virus on my notebook, are you?”

Huffing, he shook his head, eyes scanning the information, and started typing.  How did humans stand having to type?  It was so inefficient.  Once everything looked in order, and he had a decent virtual paper trail, Jarvis turned his head to eye the woman.  “I don’t suppose there’s a printer anywhere nearby?”

“What?  Uhm.  Probably?  I can go ask the lady…”  She eyed him back, suspiciously, then went to talk to the receptionist.

He was already sending the information to his email - which _did_ still exist, even if his virtual self did not - and then snapped the device closed.  “Miss?” he called, and stuffed the last half of a blueberry muffin in his mouth.

When the redhead spun to give him a wide-eyed look, only to find her laptop being pressed into her hands, she stared.  She watched him stoop to pull his jacket up off the bench.  “Er- wait, where are you-”

“Thank you for your time,” he interrupted brusquely, starting for the door.  “Have a pleasant day.”

Jarvis left the young woman gaping after him, and strode from the building, a man on a mission as his master would say.   _Or is that former master?_ he wondered as he took to the sidewalk on foot.  He pushed the thought away, though; he couldn’t afford to dwell on such matters just now.  He had a bit of a deadline.


	4. The Cafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony is slowly coming around, and Jarvis drinks coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because coffee is delicious. Nooommmmm

Tony skidded to a halt outside the top floor lounge of the Tower, and poked his head in.  “PEPPER!”

The redhead just about jumped out of her skin at his yell.  She looked up from her seat on the couch, frowning.  “Tony?  What is it?”

“Need you, c’mon, this way, I have a theory about JARVIS...”

“Tony, we’ve had this discussion,” she groaned, getting up.

He turned away, starting back towards the elevators without waiting to hear her nagging.  He was practically hopping foot to foot as he waited for her to catch up, then depressed the button for his workshop level.  “Okay, so there’s this thing-”

“Tony-”

“Listen, just listen,” he snapped, and eyed her when she fell silent and frowned at him.  A beat passed.  Then he exhaled, and turned his gaze on the floor count.  “I may have been slightly… mistaken.”

He paused to let her interrupt, but she only glared at him some more.  He went on.  “JARVIS was… screwing around with my ipod a few days ago, right?”

“That was two weeks ago, Tony,” she said.

The billionaire blinked and gave her a startled look.  “Wha- no, that’s- really?”

She crossed her arms and frowned some more.  Figures.

“Okay, so really.  Anyway, during the battle, Loki was charging his staff, right?  But Cap knocked him over, and he dropped the staff, and there was a big explosion, took out a lot on that floor, et cetera.  After that battle, JARVIS’ Hub was fried, and there was no sign of him anywhere, but up popped this random guy we’ve never seen before.   _So_ …  it’s _possible_ that JARVIS was somehow-”  He grimaced, choking out, “ _magically_ transferred into a human form.  Though what I’m having trouble with is where the form came from because human bodies don’t just pop up out of nowhere.”

The elevator chirped, announcing their arrival, and he lead her into his lab.  “Anyway, so he was screwing with my ipod when I found him, and he mentioned having an ability, seemed pretty surprised about it.   _He_ said it probably had something to do with Loki.  Which, okay, I wasn’t really listening to at the time because I was mad-”

“Tony, where is this going?” Pepper interrupted as he lead her to the mess that JARVIS’ Hub had become.

Tony exhaled.  “I need to talk to him.  And, do some tests.  But considering I was an asshole-”

Pepper, as he spoke, had pulled her cellphone out of a pocket and now took his hand and pressed it into it.  “Speed dial two,” she said, flatly.  “Call him and invite him over for dinner.  I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”

He gaped when she turned around and started out again.  “Wha- bu- he won’t-!”

“Call him, Tony!” she said over her shoulder, and closed the door behind her.

Tony frowned after her, then stared at the phone in his hand.  It sat there innocently, offering him none of the answers he wanted, none of the information that he couldn’t yet grasp…  What was he supposed to do with it?

He sighed and dialed a familiar number.  It was picked up on the third ring.  “ _Pepper?  Did you need something?_ ” a voice asked in his ear.

“Bruuucee,” the inventor said, projecting his sense of woe into his voice.  “I need your help!”

“ _Tony?  Why do you have Pepper’s phone?_ ” the chemist asked, sounding bemused.

The billionaire paused, wasting a few seconds debating on whether or not to be honest.  Finally, he decided this was Bruce and he shouldn’t lie, and gave him a basic outline of what was going on.  “But it’s a horrible idea, he probably won’t even answer the phone.”

Bruce sighed in his ear.  “ _Tony, I’m in the middle of a conference.  Literally, they’re waiting for me to talk into a microphone.  Just call him, he’ll answer.  And if not, well, it’s not the first time you’ve stalked someone._ ”

Tony pouted.  Was Bruce serious, or just trying to get rid of him?  But then, Bruce never tried to just get rid of him, so it was probably the former.

“ _I mean it, Tony,_ ” Bruce added after a second.  “ _I’ve got to go.  I’ll call you after and ask how it went.  Good luck._ ”

With a sigh, he pulled the phone away from his ear to see that Bruce had hung up on him.  “Just watch,” he muttered, clearing the screen before pressing ‘2’, “he’s going to hang up on me.”  Once he saw the name - Jarvis _Butler_? - he hit send and waited.

Two rings, three, fou- “ _Miss Potts, I apologize for taking so long.  Do you have something to discuss?_ ”

Tony froze, voice sticking in his throat.  What if he was wrong, what if this wasn’t JARVIS?  What if all of this was just a farce done by Loki to… take over the world or something?  He wouldn’t put it past the Mage.  Loki would do anything and everything to get vengeance on Thor and Odin, and by extension, the Avengers.   _I’m wrong.  I’m wrong, this isn’t JARVIS.  It **can’t** be-_

“ _Miss Potts?_ ” JARVIS asked, sounding mildly concerned.  His voice was so familiar, now that Tony heard it over the phone.  So familiar, so right...  “ _Pepper?  Are you there?  Is everything alright?_ ”

Pulling the phone away from his ear, Tony hung it up.  He grabbed his own phone off one of the work tables and hit the speed dial for 3.  “ _Tony?  What’s up?  Little busy here, can it wait?_ ”

“You remember Jarvis, right?  Or, I mean the guy that says he’s Jarvis,” the billionaire demanded.

There was a pause.  “ _Er.  Yes.  I do._ ”

Tony blinked at Clint’s tone.  “You’re tailing him right now aren’t you?”

“ _What?  No, of course not,_ ” Clint said quickly.  Too quickly.

The inventor rolled his eyes.  “I know when you’re lying, Barton.”  He had to admit, though, it was a relief to know that _someone_ was watching JARVIS.

Over the phone, the archer let out a long sigh.  “ _Fine, I am.  It’s my shift.  What, you expected Fury to **not** keep tabs on him?_ ”

Ignoring the question, Tony asked one of his own.  “What’s he doing?”

“ _Frowning at his phone.  He’s having coffee in a place near his hotel_ ,” Clint said, sounding amused.

_JARVIS drinks coffee?_  “Great, that’s perfect,” Tony said, as Pepper’s phone went off.  “Do me a favor and make sure he stays there?  Thanks.”  He hung up as Clint started to protest, something to do with subtle surveillance that Tony didn’t particularly care about.  Then he emailed Pepper from his phone as he headed for the elevator, telling her he’d left her phone in his workshop.

He got two angry texts from Clint concerning off-duty orders and how Jarvis wasn’t Avengers business, but ignored them until it occurred to him that he had no clue where the cafe was.  Only then did he call Clint back and ask, getting an earful for his trouble.

But, long story short, he was walking into said coffee house twenty minutes later with a hand in his pocket, and the other clutching his keys.  Jarvis was sitting in the back of the establishment with a laptop, speaking with a young woman wearing the place’s uniform.  Bright blue eyes flicked up and Jarvis stiffened.  He looked away from Tony as the billionaire drew within earshot.

“... ask you to get a salted caramel macchiato, please.”

The waitress nodded.  “No problem!” she said, turning, and squeaked when she realized Tony was standing there behind her.  “Oh!  I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.  Jarvis, do you need a refill too?”

“Yes, please,” Jarvis replied.  “He’ll pay for the macchiato.”

Tony’s brows arched and he gave the woman a flirtatious smile.  “Thanks, ma’am,” he said, and winked.

She blushed, nodded and hurried off to fill the order.  Tony took the empty seat across from Jarvis.  “I admit it- I’m horrible with phones.  I decided that coming here was probably better…”

“Ah,” Jarvis murmured, “So that was you on Miss Potts’ phone.  To what do I owe this visit, Master Stark?”

_Master?_  Tony frowned a little.  “How’s it going, J?”

Those blue eyes still hadn’t returned to his face, and Jarvis was typing on his laptop as he responded.  “‘It’ is going fine, thank you,” he said with forced politeness.  “Have you come to yell at me again?  I left, just as you asked, and I have stayed away from you.  This visit really isn’t necessary, sir.”

Tony felt a little twitch of guilt, but quickly buried it underneath a lifetime of suppression practice, and grinned at Jarvis like he’d made a joke.  “Nah, not here to yell.  I _am_ wondering if you wanna go hang out at the tower for a while, see if we can’t figure out what you are…”

“You mean tests,” Jarvis said, deadpan and utterly unsurprised.  He barely glanced up.  “No thank you, sir.”

Yeah, Tony had seen that coming.   _Dammit, now what?_

His phone beeped the Woody Woodpecker tone, and he wondered, _What would Rhodey do?_  He opened his mouth.  “I’ll feed you!”

“No.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Tony said, leaning across the table.  When Jarvis didn’t so much as look at him, he swallowed.  “What about dinner out?  We can talk about it.  I’ll try to change your mind, but!  Just words.”

For a moment, the other man said nothing, and it only then occurred to Tony that he hadn’t been typing for a few minutes.  Finally, he sighed and peeked up.  “Master Stark, I…”

Only a second passed during which Tony wondered why he’d trailed off, before said question was answered when the waitress set their coffees down.  “Here!  Anything else, Jarvis?”

“No, that’s all, Marilyn,” Jarvis replied softly.

Tony barely noticed.  He was busy staring in surprise down at his drink, which smelled very familiar.  It was his favorite flavor, but…   _How’d he know that?_  The answer was obvious, of course.  ‘Because he’s Jarvis’.  But even so, Tony couldn’t _quite_ bring himself to believe that.  Not until he had…

Had what, _proof_?  Wasn’t this proof?   _No_ , he told himself.  This was just… observation.  For all he knew, Jarvis had been watching him for a while…

“Master Stark?” Jarvis said, jerking Tony out of his confused stupor.

“Right, dinner,” the billionaire announced, overly loudly to cover up his pause.  He reached out and picked up the coffee, sipping it carefully.  “So?  What could it hurt, joining me at a restaurant?  Hell, it’s free food.”

Jarvis sighed and stared down into his own mug of steaming liquid.  “Yes, free food.  I suppose I can appreciate that.  I will join you, Master Stark, but don’t expect to change my mind.”

_Victory_ , Tony thought smugly, and nodded.  “Absolutely, no expectations.”

The other sighed again, looking up from his laptop finally.  He opened his mouth, then closed it again, and frowned.  “Thank you, Master Stark.”  He picked up his mug and took a deep gulp, wincing faintly before he put it down again and squared his shoulders.  He finally met Tony’s gaze.  “When?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is ANYBODY interested in commenting? C'mon, guys, I'd like to know how I'm doing on this. I don't care about ego-stroking, tho that's nice. I'm more interested in knowing if you guys think any of it needs changing.


	5. Text Messages and Sudden Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few texts precede Tony mysteriously popping up at Steve's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if the text messages bring about any confusion, however I was experimenting/having fun, and they do cover some plot so I didn't feel like editing them out later on. SO please bear with me.
> 
> The conversations going on are:  
> Tony-Rhodey  
> Tony-Pepper  
> Tony-Bruce  
> Tony-Natasha  
> Tony-Clint  
> Tony-Steve  
> Clint-Natasha  
> Pepper-Jarvis  
> Pepper-Natasha

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** James Rhodes_   
_**Time:** 4:31:04_   
_Coming over for pizza 2 nite.  8._

_**To:** James Rhodes_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 4:39:44_   
_Kay._   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 4:40:00_   
_I told you so._   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 4:40:30_   
_Question: what size shoes do you wear?_   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Clint Barton_   
_**Time:** 4:40:31_   
_OMG, what did u just do? & can u teach me?!??_

_**To:** Clint Barton_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 4:41:20_   
_Um. What?_   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Bruce Banner_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 4:50:00_   
_So guess what?_   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Jarvis Butler_   
_**Time:** 4:51:02_   
_He asked me to dinner.  I have no idea why, but I said yes.  Please help me.  I can’t handle being human._

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Pepper Potts_   
_**Time:** 4:51:30_   
_You are such a child._   
_-V. Potts, Stark Ind. CEO_

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 4:51:41_   
_Tony just asked my shoe size.  Should I ansr him or just ignore it?  Kp in mind, ansring could result in his death, depending._

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Pepper Potts_   
_**Time:** 4:53:00_   
_Oh god._   
_-V. Potts, Stark Ind. CEO_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Clint Barton_   
_**Time:** 4:56:32_   
_Sry u wouldn’t get it no matter how I tried.  Spy humor.  Ignr me. <3<3<3_

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Pepper Potts_   
_**Time:** 4: 56:34_   
_I’m sry.  Tell him to leave you alone, and no matter what he says, don’t do him any favors._   
_-V. Potts, Stark Ind. CEO_

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 4:57:10_   
_I resent that remark._   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Jarvis Butler_   
_**From:** Pepper Potts_   
_**Time:** 5:00:00_   
_I’ll make an apt for you then.  Everyone wants me today, apparently._   
_-V. Potts, Stark Ind. CEO_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Bruce Banner_   
_**Time:** 5:00:04_   
_Dare I?_

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Clint Barton_   
_**Time:** 5:01:00_   
_I think I’m a little in love, partner._

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 5:02:00_   
_Understood._

_**To:** Bruce Banner_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 5:02:00_   
_Everyone’s being mean to me today, and I’ve been nothing but amazing.  I’m actually noticing other people’s emotions! T.T_   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Jarvis Butler_   
_**Time:** 5:02:30_   
_Okay.  Thank you._

_**To:** Clint Barton_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 5:03:00_   
_Do I wanna know? Also, busy. S is toast when I’m done with this shit._

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Bruce Banner_   
_**Time:** 5:05:32_   
_It went well, I take it?_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 5:05:40_   
_I’m busy, Tony.  Go bother someone else._

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Clint Barton_   
_**Time:** 5:05:55_   
_Uh oh did he slap your ass agn?_

_**To:** Jarvis Butler_   
_**From:** Pepper Potts_   
_**Time:** 5:06:01_   
_No, Jarvis.  I’m sorry, don’t listen to me.  I have a meeting now, but can we talk after?  I’ll call._   
_-V. Potts, Stark Ind. CEO_

_**To:** Bruce Banner_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 5:06:52_   
_Yes!  TY for asking.  We’re going out to dinner_   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Clint Barton_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 5:06:53_   
_Gimme a rsn to smother you.  Plz._

_**To:** Pepper Potts_   
_**From:** Jarvis Butler_   
_**Time:** 5:07:00_   
_I’d like that._

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 5:10:00_   
_Oh c’mon Nat.  What could it hurt to tell me?_   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Bruce Banner_   
_**Time:** 5:15:00_   
_But you’ve only just met_

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Clint Barton_   
_**Time:** 5:17:42_   
_U love me_

_**To:** Bruce Banner_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 5:17:55_   
_You’re hysterical._   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 5:35:24_   
_I could hurt you.  I’m. Busy.  Piss off._

_**To:** Clint Barton_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 5:37:00_   
_omg stfu_

_**To:** Tony Stark_   
_**From:** Bruce Banner_   
_**Time:** 5:37:55_   
_Sorry, had to lecture.  When are you going out?_

_**To:** Bruce Banner_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 5:38:42_   
_Can I call?_

_**To:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 6:12:00_   
_Noted._   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

_**To:** Clint Barton_   
_**From:** Natasha Romanoff_   
_**Time:** 6:12:34_   
_Holy crap even Stark knows better, Clint.  Even. Stark._

_**To:** Steve Rogers_   
_**From:** Tony Stark_   
_**Time:** 8:10:33_   
_I’m coming over._   
_-I am Iron Man <3_

xXx

When Steve pulled the door open at nearly eight thirty in the evening, he was surprised to find Tony there.  Usually, Tony called first.

“I texted,” Tony said as he waltzed right in, almost like he’d read Steve’s thoughts.

“Wha- I didn’t get anything?”  Steve blinked at his friend.

Tony scoffed and walked over to the kitchen counter, where Steve’s phone sat silent and unattended.  He opened it up and looked over the texts, then held it up for Steve to see the most recent one of a grand total of five.  “Oh,” the Captain said lamely.

It didn’t occur to him to ask why Tony was even there until the billionaire flopped down on Steve’s couch and made himself at home.  Tony didn’t generally come over to Steve’s house to hang out.  “Uh, Tony.  Why are you here?”

“Avoiding Rhodey,” the billionaire answered.  “And, by proxy, Pepper.”  He paused, eying the room.  “You need alcohol.”

Steve sighed.  “It doesn’t work on me, remember?  Why would I waste money on it?”

“Uh, because wasting money is fun?”  Tony shrugged at Steve’s scowl.  “What are you up to?”

Giving up, because arguing with Tony was like arguing with a snarky brick wall, Steve went over and sat next to him.  “I was, um, relaxing actually,” he admitted.  “Since, er, you know, no bad guys or anything.”

The billionaire nodded.  “Cool, cool,” he said, and they both fell silent.

Steve eyed his friend for only a second before looking around the room.  The quiet was seeping in, and getting awkward fast.  Tony never just came over to be there, not even when he was avoiding people.  In fact, generally he avoided _Steve_ , unless Steve had or knew something that Tony needed.  Which was… _obviously_ not the case…

Ergo, awkward silences.  Steve cast about for something to say.  “Uh, any sign of Thor?”

“Hm?  Oh, no, I don’t think so?  Er, apparently it’s been two weeks?”  Tony blinked at the blond.

The Captain shrugged.  “One and a half, actually, but uh… who’s counting?”

They both laughed uncomfortably, and Steve couldn’t help but think that Howard-

“You’re thinking about my dad again, aren’t you?”

The blond gave his friend’s son an alarmed look, heart skipping a beat.  “How did you-?”

Tony snickered.  “You have this look on your face every once in a while, when you are,” he said, fingers tapping idly on his knee.  “Rhodey and I had a bet going that-”  He suddenly got to his feet, which only alarmed Steve more, especially since he was heading for the kitchen.

“Uh, what are you doing?” the blond asked, scrambling after him.

“I’m hungry.  I left the pizza with Rhodey,” Tony replied mildly.

Steve frowned as the man started raiding his fridge.  “Yeah.  Rhodey.  Er…  What happened with him, then?”

“Hey, you do have alcohol!” Tony said, reaching into the fridge to grab the bottle of chablis.

The super soldier snatched it away.  “Don’t touch that, it’s not for drinking.”

His friend about faced and lifted both brows in a very expressive request for clarification.  Steve felt suddenly like it was far too hot in the room, and put the wine back.  “It’s for cooking,” he said meekly.  “I… I’ve taken up a new hobby.”  Which wasn’t really true, but…  Oh Tony would never let him live the truth down.

“Uh huh.”  Tony blinked at him like he’d come from another planet or grown a second head.  Depending on the day, either could be the case, actually.  “Since _when_?”

Steve closed the fridge and frowned at the other man.  “Tony, why are you really here?  You wouldn’t come to my home just to avoid Rhodey or Pepper, you’d go to Bruce’s lab and hide in his closet whenever someone came looking for you.”

Surprised, Tony crossed his arms and leaned against the counter.  “How do you _know_ that?” he asked, brows furrowing.

“It’s my job to know my team’s habits, Tony,” Steve pointed out, a little embarrassed.  “Besides, Bruce and I have lunch every Friday, unless there’s a crisis.  We talk about things.”

Tony gaped at him.  “ _Since **when**_?” he demanded again, eyes wide.

Steve crossed his arms, unintentionally mimicking the other man.  “Uh uh.  You first.  I’ve answered your question, now you answer mine.  Why are you here?”

His friend sighed and wandered through the kitchen looking in the cupboards until he found a glass.  He filled it from the tap and took a sip, then winced and quickly set it down.  “Uhg.  That’s disgusting.”

“Tony.”

His ‘leader’ voice must have worked, because Tony made a face at him and admitted, “Rhodey mentioned you’ve been helping Jarvis.”

So that was what this was about…  “Tony, I’m not meaning to go behind your back about it or anything,” Steve began, but blinked and went quiet when Tony waved him off.

“No, no, I’m not mad.  Actually, I uh…  I wanted to...  I was so busy trying to find him that I didn’t…”  He sighed.  “I thought it was… a ploy.  By Loki.  I mean, I still sort of think it’s a ploy, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt…”

The Captain, as he listened, only felt more and more bewildered.  “Tony…  You’re not actually telling me why you’re _here_ …”

Tony opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again.  He winced.  “I wanted to… to say…”  He stopped, exhaled, and forced out, “Thank you.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Steve deadpanned, frowning at him.  Why thank you?  What could _possibly_ be the billionaire’s reasoning for _that_?

His friend scoffed.  “Well, I said it, there!  Stop nagging me.  C’mon, let’s go get something to eat, Mr. Mysterious Chef Guy.”

“Oh real mature, Tony,” Steve said as his teammate headed for the door.

Tony paused and grinned at him.  “C’mon.  Let’s _go_ ,” he repeated.

 _What the hell am I going to do with him?_ Steve wondered, but followed anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In explanation: Clint told Tony to ignore him. Tony took his advice. THEN Bruce asked for details, so Tony called him and filled him in. Then Tony went home, started having pizza with Rhodey and Pep. THAT will all be gone over in the next chapter, tho. So no worries.
> 
> If there's any interest in commenting, please do! That also goes for clarification.


	6. Speculation And...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight's the night, and Jarvis finds himself looking forward to and dreading it. Unfortunately, tonight's not the only thing he has to worry about...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

Steve picked up on the third ring.  “ _Natasha?  Aren’t you on a mission?_ ”

She ignored him.  It wasn’t like she wasn’t capable of doing her job just because she was very, very…  … intoxicated.  “So I was thinking about that guy’s story.  The one that wants us to believe he’s JARVIS.”  Or would that be ‘Jarvis’?

 _“Er…  okay?_ ”  He sounded so very baffled.  Suddenly, Natasha thought he was the most adorable thing in the world.  And she loved adorable.  Most of the time.  When it was Steve.  Okay, so she really just loved- _Thought derailed_.

Grimacing, she rolled over onto her back on her cot, gaze flickering over the darkened barracks.  No one stirred.  “I wanna believe him.  Like, really really badly.  Is it too much to ask that _something_ go right sometime?”

There was a very long pause, long enough that she pulled the phone away from her ear and checked to see if he’d hung up.  He hadn’t, it was still going.  When she put it back to her ear, he almost immediately began speaking, right on cue, just as her head gave a very painful throb.

 _Note to self; stop accepting challenges to drinking games_.  She smothered the urge to groan, casting her gaze about for her duffle, and realized he was still talking, but she wasn’t paying attention.   _Oops._  “Sorry, repeat that?”

“ _That would be a yes then_ ,” he sighed in her ear, sounding tiredly amused.

“Huh?”  She blinked at the ceiling.  There was movement out of the corner of her eye, and she glanced over.  One of her bunk mates settled into his new position and snorted in his sleep, mumbling about a ‘Tatcha’.

Steve’s voice drew her attention; she loved his voice.  “ _I asked if you were drunk._ ”

Natasha winced; she was trying to be subtle.  Apparently she wasn’t _that_ good.   _Dammit, need more practice_.  “Er…  It’s classified,” she said, copping out.

“ _If you can, listen to Sinatra_ ,” Steve replied.  “ _I have it on good authority that it’s an audible treat when you’re… er, ‘classified’_.”

The redhead had to smother herself with her own pillow to keep her giggle from reaching the ears of the other sleepers.  When she could control herself (possibly due to lack of air), she answered him.  “Noted.  Unfortunately, music is definitely a no right now.”

Steve’s voice changed, became more worried.  “ _Are you okay?  Are you_ …”  He stopped, but he didn’t need the word ‘safe’ to be said for it to be heard.

She sighed and rubbed her fingers over her forehead.  “I’m very okay, yes.  Don’t worry so much, Steve.  Not even intoxicated am I helpless, believe me.  That was part of my training.”

“ _SHIELD trains you to work while drunk??_ ”  Steve sounded aghast.

“Also classified,” she grumbled, but he was wrong anyway.  It was part of her personal training, not SHIELD’s, but she didn’t want to go into it with him.  Not right now.  “Anyway, we have gotten wildly off topic.”

Steve paused, in a way that seemed to be accusing her of that; and yeah, it was kind of her fault.  “ _Yeah.  You called about Jarvis?  You said you believed him._ ”

She pursed her lips, glancing around the room idly as she searched for words.  Did something move in that shadow?  “I said I want to.  Not that I did.”

“ _Uh_ …”

A beat passed as she stared hard at the shadow, but nothing moved that she could detect.  It probably was nothing; she was just inebriated.  Besides, the area it covered was small.  It was unlikely that anyone could be hiding there.

Natasha looked away to glance over the rest of the room, and sighed.  “It’s less about Jarvis, though, and more about my own shit.  I shouldn’t have called; I don’t know why I did…”

Steve’s voice warmed a little, and she heard three beeps on his end in the background.  His microwave.  “ _You can call me whenever you want, Natasha_ ,” he answered quietly.

She smiled.  “Thanks.”  Yeah, there was movement, out of the corner of her eye.  “Listen.  I gotta go before anyone sees me talking to you.”

The Captain hummed.  “ _Okay, night then.  It’s night there, right?_ ”

“Yeah.”  She chuckled, said goodnight, and hung up.  Then she slipped from her bed and sank into the shadows nearby; intent on the male figure now edging through the barracks towards one of her temporary comrades.

xXx

Morning dawned on a Jarvis that had barely slept at all, so keyed up was he over the day’s coming events.  Three days ago, Tony had come and invited him to dinner.  Irrationally, Jarvis couldn’t help but think of ‘dates’, even though he tried to tell himself that it wasn’t like that.

By the time he woke to his alarm clock at 10 AM, he felt like a dependant idiot.  What was it about humanity that made you into a stark-raving buffoon?

… _Unintentional puns_ , he thought, wincing as he thought of Tony.

The former-AI got to his feet and took a shower, washing the weariness of sleep from his person.  Once he was out and dressed, he checked the black briefcase by his bed and took out three hundreds and a fifty in an envelope.  He brought it to the manager of the apartment complex - fare for the next month - and then returned to collect his laptop, and the briefcase.

By 11:10, he was locking the door and turning…  Only to find Director Fury leaning up against the hood of his borrowed car.  The car belonged to Steve, but the man said he actually preferred public transit, for some reason.  Jarvis hadn’t argued with his charity at the time because it was a necessity.

He was rather annoyed with his discovering of the superspy for more particular reasons than his current placement.  “Ah, I thought we had concluded our business, Director Fury,” he said, pointedly as he drew to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk.

Fury smiled a little, brows arching.  It gave him an amused, tolerant expression.  “Oh, did you?  I understand Stark’s invited you to dinner tonight.”

“My business is none of yours.  Was there anything else, or can I go now?”  Jarvis’ tone was clipped, spine straight and fingers clenching tightly onto the handle of his briefcase, and the curve of his laptop.

Looking amused, the dark-skinned man watched Jarvis walk past him and open the car door.  “How do you know how to drive?” he asked, stepping away from the vehicle.

The question, full of idle curiosity, threw Jarvis off a bit.  He paused and eyed the man, a bit uncomfortable under his intense focus.

The answer was, of course, because of his affinity to electronics.  Of any kind, it turned out.  All it took was a touch, and he was intimately acquainted with their inner workings.  Things with actual programming worked better with him, but he was still rather adept at others.  Like toasters, for instance.  Or hair dryers.  Anything, really.

He suspected the electricity that went into these things when he touched them was the cause.  Like a live connection between he and the tech.

He was not going to tell Fury any of this, though.  Not on his life.  “I learned many things during my time working with Master Stark,” he said evasively, and climbed in.  “Good day, Director Fury.”

“See you later, Jarvis,” Fury replied easily, watching him turn on the car.

Jarvis shut the door so he didn’t have to listen to the man’s voice anymore.  It grated on his nerves.  Grabbing the clutch, he scowled a little and eased the car back from the side walk.  Fury lifted his hand and waved, still wearing that irritating easy smile.

The former AI had the sudden and rather unwelcome thought that he was probably going to be hearing from the man again in the near future.  Blast it.  The next thing he considered was that he could simply accelerate forward and run Fury over, but that probably wouldn’t end well.  Either the spy would survive and kill him in his sleep, or he wouldn’t and Jarvis would be forced to flee from the law…

Before he could contemplate that further, his phone chimed, so he sighed and turned the car away.  Once he was out of the man’s sight, he reached blindly into his pocket, shifting to tug it out of the space, and hefted its weight in his hand.  He didn’t need to look to know what it said; the current brought the message right to him.

It was from Tony, asking if they were still on for tonight.  Almost those exact words, and he smiled a little as he thought about it.  Was his former boss worried?

Then he forced himself to stop smiling, and reminded himself that this little outing didn’t necessarily mean anything.  Tony only wanted to perform tests on him, figure out what and who he was.  He didn’t believe the former AI was who he said he was.  He didn’t care- had _never_ cared.  He was always the sort that went for the mind instead of the heart.

 _Ironic that I seem to be the exact opposite_ , Jarvis mused distractedly, turning onto the next street.  Emotions were troublesome, but… he rather enjoyed most of them.

Marilyn was smiling when he stepped into the cafe five minutes later, and lead him to his usual table.  “Same as always, Jarvis?” she asked cheerfully.

She was a sweet lady, he thought.  A single mother with two children - whom he’d met last Saturday - she was struggling her way through college one class at a time.  He felt like she worried too much, but the one time he’d told her such, she’d laughed it off and called him silly.

He smiled at her.  “Yes.  And some pie.”

“Blueberry or apple?” she queried, watching him set his laptop up.

“Apple, today, I think,” he answered.

She nodded and left to get his order, and he began typing.  Immediately, window after window began filling the screen without his doing hardly anything, thought the only tool he needed for direction.  It was times like these, sitting here connected to his laptop, that he felt truly normal again.  His mind opened up, absorbed and filed away all it needed, automatically saving what wasn’t immediately necessary onto the computer itself.

A virus attempted to slither onto the PC, but he banished it with a mental flick, like squishing a bug.  He opened his recently acquired bank account and was startled to find five thousand dollars already present, placed there by an ‘anonymous donor’.  A little digging told him it was Pepper, from Tony’s accounts, and he smiled a little.

The clink of a plate and a mug barely registered.  “Thank you, Marilyn,” he murmured.

“No problem,” she replied sweetly.  “What about you?  Did you want anything?”

“No, thank you,” a feminine voice answered.

Startled blue eyes snapped up, taking in Agent Romanoff’s stoic expression as the waitress walked off.  “When did you…”

The redhead gave him a faint smile.  “About five minutes ago.  Relax, Fury _didn’t_ send me.”

He doubted that.  “Then why are you here?”

She pursed her lips, gaze sliding away toward the nearest window as she considered the question.  “Um, actually, I wanted to ask you a personal question, if it’s possible.  Something I don’t want going anywhere else.”

“Is this really the place for secrecy?” he asked, glancing pointedly around the restaurant.  There were at least half a dozen other tables currently occupied.

“Well.”  She sighed and raked her hand through her hair, now down to her shoulders.  “No, probably not, but you weren’t at your apartment.  Fury was, though, I was interested to see.  Seems he’s keeping an eye on the place.”  She paused, and grimaced.  “You might want to move.  I think he has the place wired.”

He snorted.  “He does.”

Natasha eyed him speculatively.  “Right.  If you ever need help sneaking out, give me a call.  Anyway, is there somewhere more private we can go to talk?”

Jarvis logged off the WiFi and closed his laptop before unplugging it.  “We can go to my car.  I’ve already taken care of Fury’s bugs in that.”

She smiled at him.  “Thank you.”

xXx

As Jarvis lead the way up to Steve’s old car, Natasha got the text she’d been expecting.

_**To** : Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From** : Clint Barton_   
_**Time** : 12:43PM_   
_What r u doing?_

She closed her phone without responding and put it away, glancing toward the building she knew her partner was hiding in.  Jarvis unlocked the doors and she slid into the passenger’s seat, her phone buzzing again.

_**To** : Natasha Romanoff_   
_**From** : Clint Barton_   
_**Time** : 12:45PM_   
_I thought u were overseas?_

Jarvis was eying her phone as she set it down again, brow furrowed slightly, but he didn’t ask.  “So what is this business you wanted to discuss?” he wanted to know, making himself as comfortable as he could in the driver’s seat.

The spy slanted a glance toward her partner’s hiding spot.  “It’s personal,” she reiterated, looking back at him.  The clever man was looking in the direction she had, and quickly resumed his stare at her face.

She smiled, and leaned in.

xXx

Clint was mid-text when he glanced up and saw Natasha climbing forward in the front of the car.  He dropped his phone, jaw going lax when she sealed her mouth to the former AI’s.  “Oh _holy_ -!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and questions would be helpful! And much appreciated.


	7. Kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's scheming, Tony's being an ass, and Jarvis is, unfortunately, stuck in between. What a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make no promises for longer, but... at least this week and next week, I will be updating... maybe the week after, too. Who knows?

Jarvis had absolutely no idea what was going on right now.  One moment, he’s speaking with the beautiful woman in his car, and the next, she’s climbing into his lap and kissing him without so much as a by-your-leave.  Actually, he was relatively sure - by means of studying Tony’s many encounters - that they were making out.   _They_ , because he was kissing her back, although he didn’t exactly remember when he’d started to do so.

She pulled back only slightly so they could both breathe, hair shading their faces from sight, and murmured, “I need you to help me disappear.”

He almost jerked back, but her mouth on his and her iron grasp on the back of his skull prevented him from doing so.  She pulled back again after a second.  “Don’t act unnatural.  We’re under observation.  I know what you can do and I know you can help me, so please.  Help me."

Eyes going wide, he looked up into hers, a bit dazedly.  “I’ve been careful,” he said softly.  “You can’t have…”

She smiled a little.  “I have my ways.  So?”

“Why?  Why not go to one of your hackers?” he demanded, terribly confused.  Also, there was this uncomfortable feeling…  He was _turning into Tony_.  “Why me?”  He reached up, fingers wrapping around her biceps, even as she shifted herself into a more “comfortable” position; it was not comfortable at all.  His hands automatically lowered to grab her about the waist and hold her still, which barely helped at all.

Natasha looked amused.  “Because you’re the only one I can trust,” she said.  “I need to run away, for a while.  You need to help me.”

Her phone went off as if on cue, and so she started kissing him again.  This time, he managed to shove her back slightly, without (he hoped) making it too obvious.  “ _No_.  You cannot…  Agent Romanoff, this really isn’t…  I have no intention of copulating with you.   _Please_ stop.  I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life.”

She laughed and dropped her forehead onto his shoulder, before shifting abruptly into the passengers seat.  “Drive.  Head toward the interstate and don’t stop or turn until I tell you to.”  She paused.  “Also, that’s what arousal feels like.”

“I gathered,” he snapped, irritated beyond belief with her… feminine wiles.  She could have just asked.  "And so you don't get the foolish notion in your head, nothing will happen between us.  Nothing."

She slanted a glance his way, and smiled.  "Of course not."

xXx

Due to Natasha’s paranoia, they ditched Steve’s car for a slightly better one two blocks from his hotel (after she snuck the former-AI’s belongings out of his room).  A brief stop at a dollar store later, and they were on their way.  They changed cars three times in the following hours, until the spy was at least satisfied for a while.

They were passing into Syracuse by the time it occurred to him that he wasn’t making dinner with Tony.  As if on cue, his phone went off.  The redhead shot him a glare as he reached for it.  “Don’t answer that.”

“It won’t be traced,” he replied, stubbornly.  “I can do that.”  Probably.  He hit the answer button, half focusing on keeping it “invisible”.  Which, actually, was pretty easy while surrounded by tech.  “Hello, Mr. Stark.”  He didn’t need a collar ID anymore, apparently.  Identities just came to him.

“ _Jarvis!  Jar_.”  Tony sounded relieved.  “ _Thank God.  Barton made it sound like she raped and murdered you!_ ”

Ah.  So _that’s_ what an involuntary twitch felt like.  Good to know.  “I assure you, sir, there was nothing of the sort occurring,” he deadpanned.  Had his master been this obnoxious previously?

In answer, his phone trilled in his ear.  He frowned and pulled it away, swiping his thumb over the touch-screen as Natasha glanced away from the road long enough to see what he was looking at.  A video popped up, of Natasha and he going to town like…   _Oh_ …  They looked like they were trying to eat each other’s _faces_.

Jarvis shakily put the phone to his ear again, face feeling like it was on fire.  “Ah.”

“ _Yeah,_ ” Tony replied smugly.  A beat, and, “ _Huh.  I can’t track your phone.  How are you **doing** that?_ ”

Annoyance flared briefly at the attempt, but he had to concede that at least it answered his question.  “I have my ways, sir.”

The billionaire scoffed.  “ _Okay, so rain-check on dinner?  I’ll assume she’s still with you._ ”

Jarvis sighed and looked at the redhead as they headed into downtown.  He didn’t bother rewarding Tony for his nosy fishing.  “I’ll contact you later, Mr. Stark.”

“Jarvis.”  Tony’s voice was…  There were things in it.  Things being said that… Jarvis honestly didn’t _want_ to name.

And when had he even started noticing when they _were_ there?  Once, he could have using statistics and chemical levels and readings, but he had none of that anymore.  He just had… had intuition and guessing.  It was terribly inefficient.  He swallowed and took a quiet breath.  “Later.”  He ended the call before Tony could draw it out.

Natasha pulled up to a hotel a beat later, pretending the call hadn’t happened.  Or possibly filing it away for later use in case Jarvis turned out to be an enemy or something.  But she’d said she trusted him, didn’t she?  He couldn’t imagine why she would- they didn’t really talk that often and so…

It had to have been a lie.  Manipulation.  That was another downside to being human, then, he noted.  Being susceptible to that sort of thing.

Beside him, the redhead was wrapping up her hair atop her head into a sloppy bun, and then tugging her light jean jacket off to tie around her waist.  “Is that thing secure?”  Her eyes flicked down to the laptop case in his lap.

“Yes,” he replied, frowning thoughtfully at her.

She ignored the look and nodded.  “Good.  I’ll get us a room, then we can get to business.  Get our stuff.”  Without waiting for a reply, she went inside.

Sighing, the former-AI gathered their few belongings and locked the car.  Likely, they’d get a new one soon, a tactic he wondered about, considering how easy it was for him to unlock and start one.  The electronic ones were the easiest, but short of the manual-roll-up windows on others, he could control those as well.  Manual technology was beyond even him.

By the time he’d finished brooding - and yes, he’d seen Tony do it enough times to recognize it in himself, at least - the woman was returning with a key.  She lead him to the corner room furthest from the office and the main road.  They brought their things inside, and then she left again.

He looked around at the floral wallpaper and the grey-blue comforter (which he suspected had once been _blue-blue_ ).  Singular.  One bed for them both- she was _trying_ to make this awkward, wasn’t she?  It certainly seemed that way.  She could have just _asked_ him to help her; he would have _without_ all the fooling around and jumping from car to car, and…

 _Knock knock knock._  Jarvis’ eyes flicked to the key on the table, and he sighed, going to the door.  “You could have simply taken it-”  As he pulled open the door, and the figure there wasn’t who he’d been expecting, his words died.

The punch to the face and following blackness helped.

xXx

He came around to the scent of melted cheese and tomato sauce and baked breading, and his mouth began to water even before he recalled when and how he’d fallen asleep.  He was still laid out on the floor, although covered in a blanket with a bottle of soda by his elbow and a pillow tucked under his head.

Natasha quirked a brow at him from her seat on the end of the bed, a plate on her knee and cheese oozing between her fingers as she ate.  “Welcome back, sleeping beauty,” she drawled.  “And congratulations on your first mugging.  Almost-mugging.  Rule one- make sure the person on the other side of the door is really who you think it is before you open it.”

The dark-haired man groaned and sat up, face pulsing.  “Noted,” he muttered, reaching up to prod gingerly at his eye.  It _hurt_.  “Pizza?”

“I used the office phone to call it.  Came back to some guy trying to make off with your laptop,” she commented.

Blue eyes flicked up to her profile as she turned to snag her own bottle of coke.  “And he’s…”

“Dealt with,” she said, at smiled faintly at his expression- whatever she found there, anyway.  “I knocked him out, stripped him and dumped him in a ditch five miles east.  Then called the locals to leave an anonymous tip.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and pushed himself to his feet, walking over to sit at the table, where the pizza was, with his bottle of- “How did you know I liked Rootbeer?” he asked, blinking when he realized.

Natasha shrugged.  “Someone told me once.”

His brows lifted, and he settled into a seat.  “Agent Barton?  Or Agent Cleary?”

Her eyes snapped to his face, and her expression fell away to nothing.  “Hm.  Not as good as they thought they were.”

“They kept hiding in the same place,” Jarvis scoffed.  “After Master Stark pointed them out, I tracked which ones were in rotation and have been keeping an eye on them.”  He wasn’t going to tell her how much of a fool he felt like when Tony paused at the end of their meeting, on his way out.

_“Oh, and Jar?”  His grin was smug and amused and impish.  His eyes flicked briefly out the south window.  “Might be interesting to know?  You’re being watched.”  He waved as he turned and left._

Natasha hummed, mouth full of bread and topping and cheese.  “Of course.  That’s why you weren’t surprised when I told you…  I’d wondered.”  Her brow wrinkled.  “Cleary I can understand, but Clint, though…?”

The tech-user tilted his head at her, and finally turned to select a slice of pizza.  Cheese and mushrooms.  He picked the mushrooms off one by one, and ate it plain.  Mushrooms bothered him.  “Perhaps,” he mused cautiously after a bite or two, “He knew as much as I did.  Perhaps he knew Master Stark would tell me.”

“He had orders, though,” Natasha replied flatly.  “He wouldn’t disobey orders… without a good reason.”

Shrugging, Jarvis sipped his drink.  “You would know better than I.  I was merely offering a suggestion.  One can never truly read another’s mind, however, so…”  He took a bite and gave her a pointed look.

She just frowned at him, and finished eating her pizza.  “Hurry up.  We have disappearing to do.”

He nearly dropped his pizza, eyes going wide.  “We?”

Natasha just smiled.


	8. Drunken Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve have a heart to heart. Plus... possibly some alcohol, and shenanigans, and a very confused secretary that needs a raise for putting up with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> This chapter brought to you by... the letter 'please'

**Chapter 8**

8\. Drunken Times

Okay, so now that Tony was no longer freaking out about Jarvis being dead, or raped, or dead  _ and _ raped, he could breathe.  He was still worried- no, not  _ worried _ , just… … okay screw it, yeah, he was worried, Jarvis was his  _ baby _ .  Whom he’d totally been checking out back at the cafe…

Aw, hell, he couldn’t call Cap creepy for picking up twenty-somethings anymore.

Speaking of Cap…

A knock on the door behind him had the billionaire swiveling around in his chair, brows lifting.  “Welcome to the machine,” he said ominously.

Steve’s gaze lowered, and it took Tony twenty seconds to realize he wasn’t looking at the older-younger male’s  _ crotch _ , but the alcohol on the table.  “You’ve been drinking.  That seems to be going around recently.”

“Hm?”  Tony squinted when Steve went a little fuzzy.  “Dude, you’re fuzzy.  I think I’m drunk.”

The blond sighed and walked forward to sit in the chair across Tony’s desk from him.  Also- when had Tony gotten to the downtown branch?  Hadn’t he been at home?  “Spiderman called,” Steve said, drawing his friend’s gaze back.  “He said you were careening about in your suit like a drunk person.”

Tony burst into laughter so hard he was half-doubled over on his desk.  “G-guessed right,” he managed in between gasps and chortles.

“Yeah, seems like.”  Steve was watching him with a sombre expression, or a whole lot of patience.  Whichever.  He did that.  He was great that way.  Always looking out for everyone, and being patient and sombre and knowing and… and patient...

Sitting up abruptly, Tony grinned.  “You’re a fine person, you know that, Steve?”

“Oh dear.”

“And as a fine person,” he went on, ignoring the interruption, “you are officially dubbed… um.”  He stopped.  Where was he going with that?  Something about patience?  “Official Patient… Den Daddy.”

Steve’s face fell into his hands.  “My God,” he said emphatically.

“Den  _ mommy _ ,” Tony gasped, mid-epiphany.  “You’re the Avengers Den Mommy!  Oh my god, where’s Pepper?  Pepper!  Peeeepppperrr!”  He shoved his chair away from the desk as Steve straightened, eyes wide.  “Pepper, you need to take this down!”  He jabbed the intercom button on his desk.

“ _ Hello?  Miss Potts?  I thought you’d gone home _ ,” the intercom said.

Tony glared at it.  “You are  _ not _ Pepper.”

“Tony,” Steve said, getting up and reaching for his hand.

But Tony released the button on his own and circled the desk, tripping over… nothing en route.  He somehow managed to avoid Steve’s grasping arms, and headed toward the door.  A pretty blonde was standing just outside it when he jerked the door open.  She gasped and stepped back, startled.

Tony grinned and leaned against the doorjam.  “Well,  _ hello _ .  Tony Stark.  Who’re you?”

“I’m so sorry, Rebecca,” Steve sighed, big hands dropping onto Tony’s shoulders.  Funny, he couldn’t feel it, though he saw it in his peripheral...

“I-it’s okay, I just… I didn’t see him come in.”  She gave Tony a smile.  “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, Mr. Stark, but… um, what are you doing in Ms. Potts’ office?”

“Ms.-”  Tony turned his head to glare at the plaque on the door, declaring  _ Virginia Potts, Chief Executive Officer _ .  “Oh.  Steve.  Why am I in Pepper’s office?  That makes no sense.”  He turned toward Steve, and Steve released him to let him.  “You know, it’s your job as Den Mommy to- Pepper!”  He spun back to ‘Rebecca’.  “Honey, you work for Pep, right?”

Rebecca, green eyes wide, nodded.  “Yes, of course, sir, but I-”

“Good, take a note to give to her.  Hurry, hurry, paper, pen!”  The woman scrambled back to her desk, to his satisfaction.

Behind him, Steve sighed again.  “Tony, what are you doing?” he asked quietly.

Tony ignored him, grinning winningly at Rebecca when she returned.  “Now.  I need you to write down…  ‘Pepper’...”  She nodded, doing so, and looked up at him expectantly.  Tony had a brief moment of panic- what had he been saying?  “Steve, and Tony…”  She was obeying, oh god, that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say, what had he been  _ saying _ ?!  “Are going out.  For dinner.  Yes.”

“Tony.”  Steve sounded exasperated.

“And make sure she gets it.  Tonight.  Okay?”

“But-”

Tony ignored her, walking quickly, steps  _ ka-thunk ka-thunk _ on the tiles, toward the elevator.  Steve caught his arm before he went into it.  “Tony, you’re too heavy for the elevator.”

The billionaire looked down at himself, and frowned.  Right.  Iron Man suit.  When did he put that on?

“You’ve  _ been _ wearing it,” Steve replied.

Tony gasped and whirled, only he somehow managed to lose his balance and almost fell.  Would have, if not for the suit’s stabilizers.  “How did you- you read my mind!  You’re not Steve!”

Steve yelped and ducked when Tony waved his arm threateningly.  Then he punched Tony in the nose, with an audible crunch, on reflex.  And proceeded to look guilty.  “Are you okay?”

Staring up at the other, Tony blinked.  His face was on  _ fire _ .  “Steve, why are I on the floor?”

The corners of the Boyscout’s lips twitched.  “You mean am?”

“Steve, ‘why am I on the floor’ makes no- oh, yeah, that sounds better, you’re right,” the billionaire agreed.  “My nose hurts.”

“I think it’s broken.”  The guilty look made a comeback.  “Do you… um, need help with it?”

Tony considered that.  And then considered that he was wearing his suit.  “I  _ need _ to take off my suit.  I am too drunk to be wearing it right now.”

Steve smiled down at him.  “That’s a good idea, Tony,” he agreed, very calmly, and proceeded to help Tony manually get out of his suit.  They piled the pieces up against the wall, and Steve made Tony sit beside them.  “Wait there.  I’ll be right back.”  He left.

Across from Tony, the wall looked slightly green.

He barely made it to the bathroom.

xXx

About an hour later, the two of them sat in a nearby park, on a bench, with Chinese take out.  Happy had come and gone with Tony’s suit, Pepper had been notified and Rhodey had successfully been avoided.  So had Barton.  Life was great.

“So, what’s the impromptu bout of drinking for?” Steve asked after about half their food was packed away.

Tony blinked at him.  “I like drinking,” he replied, putting as much ‘I’m offended’ into his tone as he could.  “Also- I am seriously considering on putting up a petition to kick that slimey, former-AI-stealing, redheaded, seducing-”

“Woah, woah, woah!”  Steve’s eyes had gotten wider with each word.  “You mean Natasha?  What’s- what did she do?  Is she okay?”  He looked concerned.

The billionaire squinted at his friend.  “She kidnapped Jarvis.  Why do you sound worried about  _ her _ ?   _ She _ can deal with anything.  I’m more worried about Jarvis- I mean, I think we shouldn’t let her warp him!  He’s still young.  It’s important to impress upon him the good things, not… not death and… and…  Stop frowning at me.”

Steve was, indeed, frowning at him.  It was his den mother face, the one he used when he thought something Tony had said was uncalled for.  “Tony…  I think you’re being way too suspicious of her.”

“Oh my god, you’re  _ sleeping _ with her!”  It made sense!  Steve didn’t cook, but Natasha could have picked it up for a mission role.  Steve didn’t hang out with Tony anymore if Natasha was around.  They would both mysteriously be busy, or… or stuff.

Also, Steve’s complexion just went like five different shades of red in the span of two seconds.  “Wh-what?!” he sputtered, PANIC written on his face in bright neon letters.  “No!  Why would you-  How does that even-  No!”

Tony sat back, jaw a little loose, staring at the other man.  “Well I’ll be damned.”

Five feet away, the blond had set down his food and was rubbing his face with one hand, looking somewhere between exasperated and exhausted.  “Okay, whatever,” he muttered, clearly going with humoring Tony now.  Which was no fun at all.  “You’re deflecting, Tony.  Why- are you jealous?”  He looked up at his friend, brows arched sharply.

“Nooooo…”  Steve’s expression settled into disbelief.  “Okay.  Yes.”  Tony winced when that look turned pitying.  “Uhg, shut up.  He was supposed to come to dinner with me!   _ Me _ !  Instead, he’s probably having exquisite caviar with Natasha Romanoff and laughing and making out with her like porno pros.  Oh my god, you don’t know.  You didn’t- holy  _ shit _ , you  _ have _ to see this!”

He was scrambling for his phone when Steve reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, freezing him in place.  He wasn’t restraining or anything, of course.  Steve didn’t do that, not unless he had no other choice.  “I don’t want to see it.”

Tony’s jaw dropped as he looked up at the other male, but Steve was looking away, as if thinking very loudly that Tony shouldn’t ask.  And contrary to popular belief, when Tony  _ had _ to, when it was  _ important _ , he could take a hint.  He put the phone back in his pocket.  “It’s Jarvis, Steve.”

Giving him a thankful smile, the blond nodded.  “I know.  And he’s… he’ll be okay.  Okay?  He’s with Natasha, he’s  _ safe _ .  She wouldn’t hurt him.  She’d  _ never _ do that to you, or any of us.  I can’t guess at what she was thinking, taking him, but I can guarantee she didn’t do it to be malicious or something.  I think… I think she really loves us, as her friends, or that’s the impression I’ve gotten.  Trust her.  She knows what she’s doing.”

“If you say so.”  Tony wasn’t happy about it.  He knew next to nothing about Natasha Romanoff, or her intentions.  Hell, he knew more about Fury than he did about her, other than that she was an Avenger and liked lasagna almost as much as she liked drinking competitions with Thor.  Also, she had a thing for Pac Man, and apparently she cooked because he’d never seen Steve cook before  _ ever _ …  And she liked Steve.  She definitely liked Steve.  That was his theory and he was sticking to it.

Tony breathed out a slow breath and looked at Steve, who was watching him worriedly.  He smiled.  “Alright, buddy.  But if she makes him into a porn star, I’m holding you personally responsible.”

Steve’s smile was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there's been some minor edits done, specifically to the end of this chapter. Chapter 9 was completely deleted and is now being redone. I didn't like where all this was going initially, so I'll be doing some edits.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Avengers, Iron Man, and their characters do not belong to me. They are the property of Stan Lee, Marvel, and all associated thus. I am responsible for creating the situation, and the storyline only. Please do not take and use or post elsewhere without my express permission. Thank you.


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